Age: Old as the hills (but not all of them)
Where you are from:
Mainly Swansea but bits of me from London
How long have you been supporting the Swans?
What was your first Swans game?
Barrow in the FA cup. We won 5-1 and went on our best FA cup run ever. This heady ride to near glory was a microcosm of my own Swansea ride over the subsequent half century.
Why did you start supporting the Swans?
Going strictly by where the accident of my birth took place, I should be following QPR. Obviously that would have meant I would have had to switch allegiance from football to lacrosse or real tennis. Luckily I pitched up in Swansea before I knew anything about having to support your local team and I supported and continue to support my local team.
What is your most memorable Swans moment?
Loads of great great times. One of my proudest is introducing my son to a lifetime of alternating dismay and euphoria when I took him to see his first Vetch game. Walter Boyd scored the only goal but who cares who it was against. WE had WON and that was another fan hooked for fifty or sixty years.
Best game you've seen at the Vetch/Liberty?
Tough question. The Arsenal 3-2 was special, but so was ballboy-gate. I also remember the Curtis/Robbie/Charlo days and there were some great Vetch evenings. Though we dropped two points I thoroughly enjoyed that mad game against Wolves a couple of years ago too. I was chanting "We want our Fatty back" with the rest of the East Stand lunatics when a portly Wolves fan worse for wear and worse for supporting a Mick McCarthy team was ejected by the stewards for being fat and shirtless. The football was incident-packed too.
Best goal you’ve seen at the Vetch/Liberty?
Either Leon's or Darren Pratley's in the play-offs, because of their huge significance. If you'd not limited it to home games I would say Michu's second against Arsenal when we won 2-0
What is your favourite away ground, and why?
Either Nuneaton's ground (coincidentally now situated at Liberty Way) or the Mestalla. Mmm, let me think. The vertiginous Valencia vault where we triumphed in a European cup competition in 2013, or the freezing cold mudflat where we slumped and slid out of the FA cup in 1966?
Your greatest sacrifice to watch the Swans?
Almost my life, at Naples.
Your typical pre-match ritual?
It involves Paddy Power, but other online bookmakers are available.
Who is your favourite Swans player of all time, and why?
It should be Curt, or Michu or Trundle but it's Leon. A lovely unassuming man who took out time one Christmas Day to make an old man happy. This sounds worse, or more sensational, than it in fact was. Also, people talk about a "football brain" - all of Leon's inner organs are football.
Favourite current player?
I like nice people, therefore I like Angel Rangel, Leon, the big Pole in our goal and, though he seems to have lost his footballing way lately, Nate.
Favourite Swans kit from over the years?
I have a Swans shirt but it was a gift. I'm not the right shape for a respectful wearing of a club shirt. I have a vague memory of some orange about the kit at one time though, and I kind of like it that unconsciously we acknowledged our Dutch following in advance of it actually coming about.
If you could sign one player for the club, who would it be?
Me. Obviously a fantasy version of me, some years younger, and a different shirt size. Failing that, Branislav Ivanovich, even at the expense of nice man Angel Rangel. Fans are fickle by definition.
Your most disappointing moment watching the Swans?
So many to choose from. I did once arrive late at The Vetch and missed Ronnie Rees's opener for Coventry. Then I left two minutes from the end because the game was a nightmare and I missed the Swansea equaliser (Herbie Williams, it may have been). Since then I have never left early but rarely seen a late equaliser either.
If you had one pasty to throw, who would you throw it at, and why?
Why on earth would I want to throw a tasty comestible? If it was a Belgian bun, I might, for the harmony of it, throw it at Marouane Fallaini, however. Because he upset me while he was playing for Everton and we couldn't get near him for all that hair, all those elbows and all that lankiness.